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Cuddle Party
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- Website http://www.cuddleparty.com/
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Could there really be such a thing as a G-rated orgy? That's the premise of the Cuddle Party, created by Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski, in 2004. The founders and trained facilitators are quick to clarify that a Cuddle Party is a "structured, safe workshop on boundaries, intimacy, and affection" for people "to rediscover non-sexual touch". Touching includes hugging, cuddling, spooning, caressing, rubbing, and holding hands; as long as your request for such touching is accepted and within the rules, you might find yourself spooning with a stranger.
To attend a Cuddle Party, you have to first register online. Although a Cuddle Party promotes a non-sexual environment, facilitators try to ensure that each party has a gender balance. This seems to contradict their efforts to provide a non-sexual environment, but apparently, more men register than women, so, most times, there is a waiting list for men. Maybe more men than women just need to be hugged, or maybe these men see an opportunity to meet some chicks. In any case, men pay at least $15 more than women. Once you've registered (they encourage pre-payment which saves you money), you'll receive an email with the location of the party. Remember to bring pajamas or comfortable clothing. You can change in private once you arrive at the party.
The creators of Cuddle Party, Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski, work as sex and relationship coaches. They created Cuddle Party to offer a safe environment for people who want more physical affection in their lives. Each party begins with introductions, so I learned quickly that many of my fellow cuddlers were divorced or going through a tough time and really needed physical affection but didn't want or currently weren't in a relationship.
After everyone checked in and changed, we were ushered into the cuddle room and asked to sit in a circle on the floor. The floor was covered with mats, blankets, and plush toys, all to foster comfort and relaxation. After the introductions, to ensure a safe environment, the trained facilitator who organizes the Cuddle Party spent at least 40 minutes reviewing the twelve rules of the party and conducting exercises in groups of two; each exercise is with a new partner so that you get to meet some people at the beginning of the party. The rules are strict: absolutely no sex-play, clothes stay on at all times, always ask for permission to touch someone, and you can say "no" at anytime. Like at a real sex party, participation is not required, so you never have to touch anyone and can simply indulge your inner voyeur. Or so they say...
After reviewing the rules in great detail and our practicing saying "no" to each other, the facilitator asked us to remain in a circle and get on our hands and knees. She said that we were now cows roaming a green field. Suddenly, she let out a "moo". I couldn't stop laughing. Did cows need a hug too? After some moo'ing, the facilitator told us to now imagine that there were three drunken college students trying to tip us over. Believing cow-tipping to be an urban - or farming - legend, I still wasn't sure where this exercise was headed. Apparently, at a Cuddle Party, cow-tipping does exist; so, like a human, or cow, domino chain, we all fell to the left and into a spooning position. What happened to all the rules we just spent 40 minutes discussing? Had the man now spooning me asked my permission first? Did I ask the man being spooned by me if he consented to my touch, before I draped my right arm around his waist? What happened to having the freedom not to participate in any touching? After a few minutes, people did start to ask each other for permission to spoon, caress, hold hands, etc., but, in my mind, this exercise undermined the rules and basic premise of the Cuddle Party - safe and consensual boundaries. Admittedly, I could have immediately gotten up and left the room, but I was afraid to embarrass myself or reject the man spooning me, so I laid there with his arm draped on my leg. I noticed that the man in front of me was asked to stroke a woman's neck and back. He later told me she asked for a blanket to cover them, and he noticed that her breathing started to change. He thought she was crossing the boundary into sex-play. He could have alerted the facilitator or the cuddle lifeguard - yes, there is a cuddle lifeguard who monitors such activity - to ensure that the environment remained non-sexual, but he preferred to leave the room to get a snack. A little later, I went back to the cuddle room to observe and saw a lot more people spooning under blankets. After almost 2.5 hours, the cuddle party ended with a group hug. Some parties end with a "puppy pile" - people piled on top of each other. I remained in the snack room the whole time.
I understand craving physical affection, especially when not in a relationship, but I couldn't overcome my discomfort at being cuddled, spooned, and caressed by strangers so intimately. All of it felt very sexual to me; perhaps, my nature and thoughts are too sexual for a Cuddle Party. Regardless, the Cuddle Party has staying-power; since 2004, it's expanded to Australia, Canada, Denmark, England, and many states across the United States. Some may find a Cuddle Party truly non-sexual in nature; I think it's a sex party with your clothes on...
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