Potentially Dangerous Liaisons

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I have never been the master of my own social life. Being a shy person, as well as a Leo, I like to have people flock to me and beg for my attention rather than having to initiate contact myself. However, since my high school graduation, my social life has remained above the depressing level, so I haven't had much to complain about.

When I finished college, I was in a pretty good place. I was moving in with one of my best friends. I had a couple of fresh circles of friends that kept me afloat, and I was liking where my life was going. Well, at the end of that summer, one of those circles dropped me like I was hot, and I was left with only half of what I had before. Shortly after that, I acquired a boyfriend, and if you've ever had one of those, you know how hard it is to balance your friendships and relationship and distribute your attention equally. By the time the relationship ended, I was left with only a handful of my closest friends. I was very grateful for them, naturally, but I felt like my social life had taken a severe blow, and for the last year, I've been contemplating what actions I must take to revive it.

I've always felt that I've lacked other gay men in my life. Birds of a feather are supposed to flock together, but these birds definitely aren't flocking to me. I maintain virtual contact with many through Facebook and the like, but my phone rarely rings with anything but tweets and a few texts from my roommate. Where my gays at?

Well, this week I had an epiphany of sorts. I'm broke. I can't deny that. I'm lucky if I get to go out once in a week. Meanwhile, it seems to be all that the other boys do. Therefore, if I can't afford a cocktail, I'm of no interest to them. But then I had to ask myself, what ever happened to a quiet night indoors, watching a movie or exchanging good old-fashioned conversation? THEN, I followed up my own question with, when was the last time you did anything like that with someone and DIDN'T end up having sex with them? And I couldn't remember. Private platonic encounters are so much more difficult to navigate when you're a real adult! Unless you are of conflicting sexual orientations, a one-on-one setting can become very tense. If you're a gay man, and another gay man invites you to go out for a drink, it's entirely possible that you will leave as separately as you came. But if he invites you over to his place. it sounds pretty certain that you're gonna fuck. So when I reflect on the outcome of similar situations I've had in the past, I can't really blame anyone for wanting to keep our relations public.

On that note, it appears that I am going to have to continue to live as a virtual hermit until my paychecks get bigger. I never thought I would live a life where sex was cheaper than simple friendship. Gays are so fucking complex.

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