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As I've shared with you countless times already, this past winter marked the conclusion of my first relationship in four years. Although the word 'boyfriend' was very shocking to the system at first, I grew accustomed to the sound of it. Although this particular relationship didn't make it through the long haul, I'm not as afraid of the idea as I once was. But it certainly changed the way I look at my connections with people.

I jumped back into the single life pretty quickly, and I daresay I'm pretty good at it. I believe that it was completely necessary for me to be single during my college career, so I could figure out what kind of man I am and wanted to be. The work is still in progress, of course, but finding a beautiful male companion to spend my time with doesn't sound so bad right now. However, sorting out my needs is a little more complicated than it should be.

I couldn't tell you if it's simply my increasing maturity, or if I've just been surrounding myself with the right people, but I do believe that my capacity to love has grown. I have been able to form much more intimate relationships, especially with other gay men. There have been moments when I've thought, "I think I could see myself in love with you." But then, the everlasting antagonist, my libido, shows his sexy mug and fucks with my system.

I don't know if I would say that my sexual needs overpower my emotional needs, but they certainly show up at the most inconvenient times. I have known many attractive men in my time for their splendid company, and I've known many who I could fuck for days on end and not get bored, but I can never find these two qualities in the same person. It seems that I form an emotionally healthy relationship and leave my sexual appetite gasping for breath, or I could form some sort of romantic facade that consists ONLY of amazing sex.

These concepts bounce back and forth in my brain, and I keep toying with the ideas of nontraditional relationships. I've always admired the people who can live in open and polyamorous relationships, but I've never really thought it was something I could do over a long period of time. Yet, I'm starting to think I have no other option!

I'm only 23...PLEASE tell me I'll outgrow it!

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