Break It To Him Gently

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There is not a single person on the planet who doesn't dream of being swept off their feet. The only thing that one might want more is to sweep another person off *their* feet. I am definitely one of those people. But why is it, when I finally do manage to knock someone's socks off...I panic?

I've never been that good at getting my way with men. Yes, I've slept with more than a few, most of them excellent catches. But my top picks have rarely succumbed to my *ahem* charms. It's usually the guys who approach me first that I end up with. This is probably why I'm resistant to dating. But that doesn't stop me from trying.

It's when my guard is down, of course, that some poor unsuspecting youth becomes enchanted with me, and I have no idea how to handle it. It doesn't matter how cute he is, the uninvited attention is very shocking to my system.

In some ways, it almost makes me angry. If a boy throws himself at me after knowing me for a very short time, I feel that it must be for all the wrong reasons. If it's only our first date and I'm already seeing white picket fences in your irises, I can't help but jump to the conclusion that you aren't actually smitten with me, but some ideal you've formed in your head and attached to my image.

This is the point at which I frantically push you away. I may like you very much, but in order to spare you deeper pain at a later date, my instinct is to block you out immediately to prevent further attachment. I am not proud of this action Most of it is subconscious. I know it doesn't make me less of an asshole, but I'd rather you hate me from a distance than burst into tears before my very eyes because I broke your heart.

I hope this doesn't sound arrogant of me. I don't always think I'm the best catch in the world, but I do know that some boys just happen to fall for me.
It's life.

I think the main reason for my panic is an imbalance of affection. I know how it feels to like someone more than they like me. Oh boy, do I know. And it SUCKS. I never want to make anyone else feel that way. Of course, I already have, inadvertently. But still, being the source of that experience
is near traumatizing for me.

So now, what to I do with this boy who might be getting all picket-fency on me? Tell it to his straight out, I suppose. He's cute. I have fun with him. I want to continue to spend time with him, but I don't want to break his heart. It is probably best to keep a slight distance. He only just met me. Most crushes blow out if you don't give them fuel...right?

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