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The holidays can be daunting for all us Ho Ho Hos, especially when it comes to gift giving. Before you even get on that plane back to the bible belt to visit Ma and Pa, there may be that special, semi-special, or at least semi-regular guy you've been seeing for whom this Christmas or Hanukkah may present the first opportunity for thoughtful gifting.

But what to give him?

The right gift can set the stage for deepening romance in the year to come. It can say "I'm thinking of you, I saw this and I wanted you to have it, and I'm glad you're a part of my world now." The wrong one can say "I'll be in the sticks with my family for a week, and if you're smart you'll take this time away from me to reflect, to look forward, and to change your phone number and email address so I have no way of ever contacting you after my return."

Herewith, though admittedly jaded and painfully incomplete, a brief look at common gift possibilities for the new gay holiday couple to exchange with affection. Or fear.

FLOWERS. Who doesn't love receiving a bouquet? Well, my mother, for one. Your intention with an armful of fresh-looking blooms may be the ultimate show of romance; however, it could easily be misinterpreted. Red roses symbolizing "passion" might be over the top for a guy you've just started seeing, while anything less can seem like you just didn't try hard enough. And as pretty and expensive as they might be, you run the risk of presenting a gift that screams "I care enough to send the very best - that the deli on the corner of 20th and Eighth has to offer at this hour of the night on my walk from the subway to meet you at this dim bar."

CHOCOLATES. Also a very romantic notion, chocolates can say something else entirely. Such as "after the holidays, I have no intention of feeding into your fucked up body image issues, so if you don't eat these, I will.” Or, "no matter how hard you work at the gym, I personally think you look fat enough to appreciate these." And at the very least, if the box and bag are anything short of straight from the Teuscher flagship store, with even the semi-premium Godiva being so widely available these days, you risk saying "Happy Holidays from the man who thought enough of you to grab this off the end-of-aisle display while purchasing underarm deodorant, antifungal cream, cat food, and frozen Hot Pockets from Rite-Aid at 3 in the morning."

CLOTHING. It's always a safe bet that a gay urban man would appreciate clothes. But given the wide variety of tastes, prices and fit, unless you really know your man well and have that "dress me" access, this is a risky proposition. To some men, the wrong label or store can be taken as an affront to the level of fabulousness he tries to present. "You think I wear American Eagle? This shit is fucking ABERCROMBIE, bitch! And Hello, American Apparel? What am I, an anorexic poser?" I can't even grasp the disaster you'll have on your hands if an Urban Outfitter or Hollister boy rips away the gift wrap to see the words, "JC Penney" mocking him from the top of the box within. Further risk: ruining his body image. A Medium for a guy who wears a Small doesn't say "way to go with that ramped up chest workout, stud!" Rather, it says "Sorry you're getting doughy, dear." Likewise, the XS gift given to the guy who aspires to a bigger physique says, "Merry Christmas, Pee Wee." And again, unless your relationship is already deep enough to tread into the land of picking his outfit, a gift of clothing can very easily and irreversibly say, "Here's to our first holiday together and to you realizing shortly into the New Year that I now fucking OWN you."

THEATER TICKETS. A lovely, wonderful idea! However, the following warnings must be acknowledged: if he doesn't fancy himself a typical fag, he may eschew the notion of musical theater (especially if you, the giver, are the kind of gay man who feels that, just because he's been singing their cast albums into his hairbrush since before his testicles dropped and took on man-hair, that he must refer to LuPone, Channing, Neuwirth, et. al., as Patti, Carol, Bebe, and the girls). If your beau is indeed a lover of the stage, then make absolutely certain that you cater to HIS tastes through this gift, and not your own. That will make a show of money (and yes, probably even effort) quite obviously a thoughtful act of giving versus your own self-indulgence, with his ticket being nothing more than insurance against feeling depressed when seated alone in a darkened theater.

UNDERWEAR. I'm not talking a three-pack of Fruit of the Loom (and ESPECIALLY not the "slightly defective" cast-offs you'll find at a discount store). I'm talking good underwear - REALLY good - like what you'll find at a specialty retailer such as the Hell's Kitchen staple New York Bodyworks Express, where they have just the right kind of foundation garment for every taste and body aspiration, whether or not it will actually be covered by an outer garment or worn for its own sake. Just remember: if you are indeed dating the three-pack/slightly-defective underwear kind of guy, $25 man-panties are not going to elicit a Christmas morning, "Hooray!", as much as a, "Great, now I just need a blue unitard, and I can dress as Superman next Halloween." And the prevailing rule of taste here: underwear as a gift means intimacy; it's the same as lingerie given by guy to gal. So DO NOT consider putting panties on your man as a gift if your relationship doesn't routinely afford you the chance to peel them back off.

And finally...

LIQUOR. Yes, you may have met at a bar. Yes, you may both enjoy entertaining at home. Yes, you may have struck up your first conversation over a premium tequila or a glass of some incredible Chilean red. But as much as your man may savor a fine bottle of something potent, you also risk saying two very unsavory things: at the very least, the clear message can be that of "I'm really glad I met you this year, but you drink so much that this seemed like the most appropriate gift." Or worse: "I know you find me much more attractive when you're liquored up, and I'd like to get laid. So please hit the sauce before we get together so I stand a chance of landing you in the sack again soon."

I hope this helps, boys. From Hanukkah to Christmas to the New Year and beyond, I send you thoughts of warmth and appreciation, and I hope you find yourself under the mistletoe with someone of true quality and worth. And then if your own company under the herb isn't enough, I hope your companion is every bit as worthy of love and attention as yourself.

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