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Part Two of Four Parts, exploring the relationships and relations between gay men and their heterosexual counterparts...

I remember two of my college fraternity brothers posing for pictures during a kegger at our house one night; Jimmy opened the zipper on his cammo pants and stuck his thumb through the fly, while Jay knelt in front of him and licked and sucked the protruding finger. In the resulting party pics, just as it was right there only feet from the action, it was mind-blowing to look at, in all its deliciously convincing, post-pubescent homoerotic glory, as the gorgeous blonde jock seemingly sucked off the model-hot brunette kid.

"Oh my GOD," I said walking off after with the dark-haired hunk, a close friend at the time with whom I no doubt was hoping to stir things, "you know you wish that was real! You are so fucking GAY!"

"No," Jimmy schooled me, "if a guy sucks your cock, that makes HIM gay."

"And if a guy sucks your cock, what does that make YOU," I asked.

His lips curling into a knowing, devilish grin and without missing a beat, he answered: "Fucking lucky."

I wound up having sex with a few of my fraternity brothers over the years, and thanks to the massive amounts of alcohol I consumed as a young man, fake finger-blowing had very little to do with those encounters. But though this WAS only a simulated sex act, this one very hot, very public encounter with Fauxlatio and its beaming beneficiary taught me a fundamental truth: that to the recipient, in all his base and primal animalistic glory, and be it gay, straight, sloppy or sideways, there is only one instinctive reaction the Trouser Monster knows when stimulated by oral sex; so grunt it with me now, fellow beasts...

"BLOWJOB GOOD."

And I have had my share of come-ons, both highly motivated and merely questioning in nature, from straight guys wondering deep in their molten sexual cores what it might be like to let that steaming curiosity blast through to the surface and, in turn, onto my tonsils.

Now, I must be one of those "safe gays" -- the kind of gay friend a straight guy can cozy up to and test boundaries without fear of (a) being pushed out of his own comfort zone or (b) being "outed" to his other friends. Back in college we had a joke that invariably circulated at every party: "what's the difference between a straight frat boy and a gay one?"

"A six pack of beer and a secure door latch."

As parties wore on into the wee hours throughout my undergrad days, many a toasted straight boy started an alcohol-heavy flirtation with me using the same opener: "I am so drunk I won't remember a THING in the morning." (Funny, as I recall that, from engineering geek to basketball champ, there was always an appropriately dismissive swish of the wrist to accompany that qualifying confession. But I don't judge.)

Nowadays though it seems my straight cohorts are much more comfortable talking about experimentation and exploration right out in the broad moonlight, over drinks and smokes, public and private. Perhaps it's in an effort to prove it truly is, in the grand socio-sexual scheme, no big deal that such a hookup could exist on the landscape of the straight-identifying male. Maybe there's a bit of hope that they can put their desires out there, but that such homocentric talk will get lost among the other bullshit being tossed over cocktails and tappas at a friendly liquor-fueled gathering. Maybe they just want the gay guys in the crowd to know they're comfortable in our presence and open to intimate sharing of ideas and philosophies if not actual fluids. Either way, it has definite elements of the desire to demystify the gay mystique, because let's face it: we gay men are seen as the Shamans of our tribe, and our straight counterparts want to know how they can tap into the powerful essence that is the apparent hallmark of our magical gay existence.

At its simplest, I can liken this relatively open talk of experimentation to a child daring to stray from his mother's lap to wander the playground. He will engage in the activities of other more experienced and confident children, tentatively climb a shiny new piece of play equipment, and even try a much-anticipated mouthful of what he thought was delicious-looking sand; but he will keep an eye on Mommy the whole time, and return to her familiar touch frequently for reassurance that this branching out on his part is natural, healthy, encouraged... ACCEPTABLE.

More and more, it IS acceptable to branch out and explore; hate- and ignorance-based judgments and labels are not as prevalent or at least not as readily dispatched in attacks against your manliness. So fear not, young ones: your reputations as icons of heterosexuality remain intact. Your sexual orientation is not in question. You are exhibiting an open-mindedness and self awareness born of true intelligence and evolution as thinking, caring, sexual creatures, and you are each to be admired for the depth and determination of your prowess.

Come to Mama, boys.

NEXT UP: WHEN GOOD FANTASIES HAPPEN TO BAD BOYS

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freckles66 brilliant. fucking brilliant.

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