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At first I thought, this post should have a TMI warning for the faint and weak of pussy or dick, but then I realized: What the fuck for?! We're all nasty dirty birds that get off on eachother's filthiness, right? Hmmm? Crickets?

The hilarity of what I'm about to write was just showcased on an old Martin Lawrence stand-up routine on HBO. You ready? I was on this antibiotic for some feminine issues, and I told my doctor that I was positive it would give me the yeasties, but, alas, he didn't listen and give me a prescription for Diflucan (works like a charm). That was Friday; medications were for 5 days. You all with me so far?

Well, due to the medications, I couldn't ring in the New Year with any fucking whatsoever, because the medications didn't end until New Year's day. And of course, just like clockwork, as the medications finished, in came the fucking yeasties to start off my New Year! When I told hubby, he was understanding but, obviously, disappointed. I assured him that I would be on the phone first thing Monday morning, asking my gynecologist to phone in my prescription ASAP!

The story doesn't end there or you all would be thinking: What the hell is so nasty about that?! Hubby and I went out last night, and he got himself good and loaded. I still couldn't drink anything because the medications were still in my system. I told him that, since I couldn't fuck him, when we got home, I would give him a toe-curling blowjob. He couldn't get me home fast enough.

He gets himself all freshened up; I'm almost comatose in the bed, and he pokes me, "You promised!" Fine, I'm awake now, and get down eye-to-eye with his ding-a-ling...but wait a minute! What the fuck is that?! My favorite man-toy is all dry and scaly. "Sorry hun, not gonna trust that, check to make sure that it's just you being a little ashy in the cold weather, and I'll give you two for the price of one". He's not thrilled but agrees.

I wake up a few hours later with his hands all over my tits and a finger in my ass. Just the fact that he's got his finger in my ass is enough to send me cumming. He whispers, "I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you now!" I'm all excited that I didn't have to ask for anal and voila! Hold up! He missed the asshole and goes directly into my pussy!! I'm smacking him and yelling, "Wrong hole! Wrong hole!" But, he's too far gone and announced that he's cumming because it feels so soft and wet! EEWWW! I continue screaming, "No, no, no, no, no!!!!" But it's too fucking late. "I fucking hate you right now!", I tell him as he pulls off his black tank top and offers it between my legs for clean up. "Do you know how much agony I'm going to be in tomorrow with one more day before Monday??!" He apologizes profusely, as I remind him of previous yeasties that left me in so much pain I had to leave work once, walking as if I'd just ridden a fucking bull!

After I cleaned up with his shirt and washed up, I forced him to open up the shirt and look at his destruction. "Damn, that's fucking nasty hon!"

DUH!!

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